The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again--and Stay There

I have been loooking for a book that I couple use for an enlighted couples class at my church. I read a skim read over 20 books over the last few months without finding a very acceptable book. When I checked out the Six Secrets of a Lasting Relationship from my local lib rary I knew my search was over. It is an excellent book with the six pillars being a clear and concise motivation for not only topics in the class but a direction for life. It is an unbelievably clear book which aids one in their own relationship as a couple to make life better. Highly recommended.

The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship by Mark Goulston, M.D. The intimate relationship rests on six pillars: CREATE = Chemistry, Respect, Enjoyment, Acceptance, Trust, Empathy. There is no remedy for love but to love more. Henry David Thoreau Time doesn't heal, truth heals. Ecstasy cannot last, but it can carve a channel for something lasting. E.M. Forester Let us speak, though we show all our faults and weaknesses. Herman Melville Love sought is good, but giv'n unsought is better. Shakespeare Trying to understand is more important than what you understand. "Tears are to the soul what soap is to the body." Ancient Jewish Proverb. What you don't talk through grows into a wall you can't break through. Fake it till you feel it. Disrespecting yourself for disrespecting your partner is something to which women are especially prone. A woman without warmth doesn't feel like a woman; a man without courage doesn't feel like a man. Disrespect brings out the worst in people, creating a vicious cycle of hurt, anger, retaliation and loss of self esteem. No memory of having starred Atones for later disregard, Or keeps the end from being hard. Robert Frost By indignities men come to dignities. Francis Bacon Of all knowledge the wise and good seek most to know themselves. William Shakespeare The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -loved for ourselves, or rather, in spite of ourselves. Victor Hugo Young love is loving someone because of what they do right. Mature love is loving someone in spite of what they do wrong. ...acceptance, and it is priceless. Most women want to be cherished and most men want to be admired. Women try to change their men, and men try to keep their women the same. Defensiveness is a recipe for disaster. What counts in making a happy marriage is not how compatible you are, but in how you deal with incompatibility. Daniel Coleman Without emotional trust, you cannot have emotional intimacy. Trust too much and you end up hurt. Trust too little and you end up alone. Trust everybody, but cut the cards. Finley Peter Dunne There can be no deep disappointment where there is no deep love. Martin Luther King, Jr. Trust but verify. Ronald Raegan After you've been hurt the wrong lesson is "Don't trust again." The right lesson is, "Trust wisely." The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. Thomas Szasz Being in love always means having to show you're sorry. When you've earned forgiveness and your partner still won't forgive you, you're not unforgivable, they're unforgiving. It's better to have trusted and been hurt than never to have trusted at all. Love is what is left over in a relationship after all the selfishness is taken out. Nick Richardson Just as resentment triggers resentment, understanding triggers understanding, and empathy triggers empathy. Your partner won't know how much you know until they know how much you care. If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow It takes minutes to love the way someone makes you feel, but years to feel the way they love. If you don't understand, they feel frustrated. If you don't try to understand, they feel hurt. If one does not understand a person, One tends to regard him as a fool. Carl Jung You can't put yourself in someone's shoes and step on their toes at the same time. Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. Antoine De Saint-Exupery Marriages don't end when two people stop loving each other but when they can't stop hating each other. Look for the negative and you'll find resentment; look for the positive and you'll find gratitude. Nothing inspires loving behavior like knowing you're loved. Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. Helen Rowland

I bought it for a friend who enjoys reading about these things. It is a good book because she likes it so far.

It's just one of those pretty boring books, maybe it's just me, I like novels much better, and it's hard for me to find any real useful parts, I'm Chinese, by the way, so that will explain something. Maybe my English is not good enough, but I can finish Jane Austen's books even I don't know every word.

Personally I liked the use of the acronym CREATE to organize the book:(Chemistry,Respect, Enjoyment, Acceptance, Trust and Empathy). If you are having difficulties with anything other than physical abuse or substance abuse then this book gets to the heart of what is most important quickly and the organization allows you to skip to the area which concerns you most (which I did): yes there was a light sales job at the beginning but if you get into the chapters, they are quite meaty with a variety of approaches to dealing with each problem and a good description of the most common array of diifficulties. If one's spouse is resistant to marriage books then you can read it by yourself (like I did) and still find it quite helpful. The chapters on respect p 95 to 136 and empathy p258 to 288 were exactly what I needed. My marriage has had difficulty for a number of years but I sure would have loved to have found this book earlier. For those whose relationships are doing well this gives you a reminder of what truly matters and help during the trials which may eventually occur. I also recommend Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson for those who need a bit more perspective on why they get in such crazy fights, but this book finishes the job as far as I am concerned. I had read a lot of books on marriage and still was having difficulty so I ordered this one along with three others. Thankfully this one (used) arrived first (the others haven't arrived yet). I feel like it alone was worth the cost of all four books: it urges spouses who are getting disrespect (me) to stick up for themselves in a dignified manner while doing what it takes to foster their own self-respect, just what I needed: the examples help one to see how much this can improve the situation while giving perspective as to why we may be stuck. The chapter on empathy showed how to provide empathy when needed but also how to stick up for oneself. I had already taken some measures but this helped me finish the job: it works. I loved the following passage on p286 to be used after a husband comes home in a foul mood from work and the wife uses empathy to help him get a grip: He should not be given a free pass no matter how compassionate your empathy makes you feel. After you've defused the situation and made him feel understood, look him in the eye and say, "You know, when bad things happen at work, I'd really appreciate it if you don't take it out on me. I'm on your side." My only complaint is that it lets those who disrespect their spouses off the hook too easily, saying they should just leave if they can't find respect, when in some cases their values seem quite skewed. I think he could have questioned those values more, in such a case I would definitely recommend the book Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson because it lays out much more clearly what one stands to lose.

This book offers excellent tips or reminders of what it takes to make a relationship strong, especially a marriage. It's easy to get complacent in a marriage and take your partner for granted,especially if you've been married a long time. Sometimes you just give up and settle for ok, when with a little work, the relationship can be great, and life in general feels so much better. This book offers practical tips to get there.

Excellent suggestions to build a healthy & lasting relationship. I recommend this book to anyone married or looking for a partner in life.

Excellent!!! Since I can't afford therapy at this time :-) This book with helpful suggestions and insights is the next best thing to therapy!!!

Insightful information even for those not currently in a relationship. I would recommend this book to others. it was a quick read as well, and is laid out in easy to read stories.