Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama – A Poignant and Hilarious Graphic Memoir of Art, Mothers, and Healing

Are you my Mother? is the most intellectually engaging comic book I have ever read, and I have read plenty! I came to this book because her name is in my list of "must" female graphic artists, and I am not disappointed. There are many reasons, beyond the undeniable quality of the book at both narrative and graphic levels, I was thrilled to find some of my favourite reading interests being part of the narrative (psychology, psychoanalysis, mental disorders) and some of my life practices reflected as well (dreamwork and metaconciousness), while a friend of mine is very interested in the Mother Archetype (and I even had a synchronicity event with her while reading this book). Are you my Mother? is Bechdel's quest to understand the relationship she has with her mother from childhood to the present time to help her understand how their relationship shaped her psyche an who she is. It sounds a bit boring, but it is not! The book is a wide open window to Bechdel's mind and heart, and to the way she lives and sees the world. She does not censor herself to be liked, so her opinions about the world, life or other artists, her family, her mother, her girlfriend/s and herself are sincere and believable. We also see her displaying her neurosis, depression, her obsessions and compulsions. Bechdel has a sharp-razor mind that understands complexity with easiness and sometimes she thinks the reader will to. I don't think is always the case, but she does not debase herself to the level of the mainstream reader because that is not who she is. A killer combination of elements that will get any person interested. There is no fluff in this book, but you will find moments of tenderness, passion, fun, sadness, doubt, confusion and raw honesty, all of them infused in the hiper-metaconsciousness Bechdel swims daily to sort out her personal and creative life. The book has a Matryoshka doll sort of feeling as it is organically multi-layered and cohesive in her graphic and literary narrative, and one layer cover another, which, at its turn, covers another, despite all being a perfectly organic set. This a very Magritte-ish book as well, both in the imagery (See, f. e. pages 212 or 252) and its structure. So we see her writing the book about her father, while she is interacting with her mother, creating the book about her mother, thinking about the book about her mother, seeing herself doing so, at the same time. Almost an out of the body experience. The chapter on mirrors is perhaps the most clear example of this Magritte's man painting himself while paints himself while paints himself. Extremely cool. Graphically speaking, Bechdel is amazing. Her drawings are realistic, very expressive and multifaceted, very attentive to the detail (from the facial micro-expressions to the details on the floor or walls, everything!) but also very dynamic. Her approach to this graphic novel is also very photographic and cinematic, and reminds me of a pre-movie visual-rendering of a script, because her drawings are not only fabulous per se, they are fabulously composed and framed: eagle-view scenes, scenes from the street into a room, scenes with the self as object (shots of her feet, reflections on a mirror or train window), voyeuristic (sex scenes). Moreover, she inserts and reproduces with her own handwriting personal (past and present) letters by her, her mother and her father, pages of newspapers, highlights from the books she is reading, clipped photos and quotes, mock-flashback images about her mother's childhood, Winnicott and Wolf's lives, and what it is not. Just awesome. They create texture, they create life on a paper and visually engage and enthral the reader. Everything looks and flows so easily that one forgets that it is masterful. You have to stop and say wow to yourself, because this girl has an extraordinary talent. I found so many wow pages and vignettes! Just one example, pages 103-105 and how she depicts the pass of time, so beautifully simple and effective. Having said the above, this is a complex book, divided in chapters that start with the depiction of one of her dreams, and dive into especial facets of the relationship mother-daughter from a psychoanalytic point of view. She starts with Freud and Jung readings but ends devoting her attention to the work of Donald Winnicott, whose life and writings on mother-child bonding click more with her. She also sees some parallels between Winnicott's theories, Virginia Wolf's writings (the Lighthouse especially) and her own life. Bechdel plays dream analyst and psychoanalyst with herself, and she is the object and the subject of her book. There are nudity, sex scenes and adult themes in the book, so this is not a graphic book for a lazy reader or for children. I don't like the hue of red used in the normal pages of the book. I would have rather had all in black or white or work on another hues. I found that the textures of the colour could have been better, but this me being fussy!

I could not be more different in ethnic or class background from the author. However, and not get all universalistic/transcendentalist, but my mom too refused to use the medical term for v*****a, and instead called it something like the "tee tee spot," just as the author's mom did. As Bechdel noted, why the coyness, given that mom has one too, and why does mom "have to get back to her as to the right term" given that she is educated and well read and living in the 1960s and 1970s. Mothers. And that's just the beginning on how annoying they can be. As Bechdel carefully shows, the mom did not have a great mother experience herself, so perhaps that is why in older age, she has turned into the child, who Bechdel must call on the phone every day (the child never calls), and talks the whole time while Bechdel cannot get a word in, and does not have any questions for Bechdel. Bechdel's mom gives great financial assistance to support her during rough artistic times, yet, mom does not really want to know what Bechdel is doing in terms of her art. Great generosity the flip side of terrible dismissiveness. Just like my mom. Bechdel tenderly shows how her mom, due to a too early marriage and pregnancy, gave up on pursuing her established interests in theater and literature, and how that regret may partly account for her meanness towards Bechdel. Like my mom who also perhaps should've never had children. It is a really fair (meaning generous and all-seeing) account of why moms often cannot be nice to their daughters, and even say and do subconsciously mean things to hinder them.. Makes sense that most fairy tales involve dead mothers and "step" mothers - only when moms are absent or emotionally vanquished can a girl go on to do great things. I also love how the author interwove excerpts from Virginia Woolf's fiction, diary, and "true" self to triangularly get at what may be the "truth." This "comic book" can be read on many levels. The art really gets to me in a good way after a while. It is so seldom that an unfeminine, ageless, unconventional woman is "drawn" in a neutral, unhateful, undisdainful way. All the other characters too. There is a lot of love in every comic cell here.

For cartoonistry -- the drawing itself, the physical pacing, the layout, and so on -- this is beyond five-star work. The author draws from posed bodies and photographs, for deadly accurate scenes, and draws facial reactions masterfully. The art alone is worth the purchase price. Wow. For writing, however: three stars. For all the complexity of the author's perceptions, self-awareness, and psychotherapeutic insight, there is not much of the writer's craft applied. There are moments when the thoughts, feelings, actions, and flow are all fully charged and moving forward, but they make you notice the barely-edited, possibly pointless episodes that much more. Sometimes I got the feeling that the author thought she couldn't omit something for flow, tighten up the narrative for readability, or take any liberties with the story. I understand that it's a memoir, but part of writing is drawing a clear picture. Given the story's tie-in with Freud and Woolf, I expected a deeply detailed picture that included a good amount of atmospheric chaff, but there were roads to nowhere that needed polishing and editing. And, more than anything else, the perspective of time. Her mother is still living, which caused problems. How do you finish a story that is still going on? I think if she had answered that question before diving too deeply into writing, perhaps even creating an outline, she would have done herself a favor with the book and possibly with her own understanding of herself, the subject. Too much analyzation; not enough actual thinking. The journey is one of looping episodes, frenzy and exhaustion, no leavening of humor, and a microscopic view of the author's internal life. I read this book in one sitting, and felt like a vampire afterward, just as embarrassed as if I had read her personal mail. This story-less book isn't poorly written so much as unfinished. Some parts are crafted with patience and an editorial mind, but others are blurted onto the page in a way that is neither fiction nor memoir -- if anything, it's like a dream diary, with the facts lying there jumbled, waiting for someone to sort them out. Normally, this is the author's job. Freud says there are no accidents, and this story might have been transparent to him. To me, it's not. That said, it was still a fascinating read, and the beautiful artwork kept me ploughing through when I wasn't so deeply involved in the Winnicott & Woolf aspects. Overall, I thought Bechdel could have used a writers' group to her benefit, but my only real disappointment was the ending (or lack thereof.) It felt rushed. I felt bad for the author -- a writer can just pop off a draft when he or she has finished the story, and doesn't need to storyboard it, block it, draw it, ink it, shade it.... I would strongly recommend this book for any diehard fan of her old serial comic, DTWOF. Seeing the real-life elements behind episodes and elements of the strip was delicious. For other readers, try Fun Home first and work up to it.

I was really looking forward to reading this new graphic novel by Alison Bechdel as I very much enjoyed her previous book, "Fun Home." I was thrilled that it was available in a Kindle edition and purchased it from Amazon. Big mistake. My Paperwhite Kindle, good as it is, is not up to the demands of a graphic novel. I had a hard time enlarging the panels--the system didn't respond consistently to the necessary taps. Nor was it much fun to have to view the larger panels in tiny segments. The story itself was very clever, weaving autobiography, psychoanalysis, relationships and everyday angst into a sad and funny story of growing up and letting go. The drawings are top notch. In all, I feel that I would have given this book a higher rating if I had read it the old fashioned way.

If you’re into psychology and exploring your relationships with your family, I’d highly recommend this book. It’s honestly heavy and not something you can skim through easily. Every page feels like it demands multiple rounds of thought. As you go through that thought process, it’s easy to get completely immersed in it. That said, it can also give you a bit of a headache—at least it did for me—especially as I found myself applying many of the situations to my own childhood and relationship with my mom. I’m still in the process of trying to understand my parents now that I’m at an age where I can begin to grasp the life experiences that may have led them to, in some ways, abandon their children. Thankfully, I let go of the pain I felt toward my parents a long time ago, so I feel ready to embrace their reality now. If you’re in a similar place, I really recommend this book. It can help you sort through your emotions and thoughts in a meaningful way.

The images made me have the sense that I'm reading a comic book, and yet the words and the story were so much deeper than that. Bechdel surprised me over and over with many quotes from authors like Alice Miller, D.W.Winnicott, Virginia Woolf, and even Freud. I read those quotes hungrily, making notes to myself that I'd want to read some of the essays she mentions. And the images themselves spoke so deeply. I could see her intention in every facial expression and even the perspectives from which she drew the frames. I wish I could draw so well. Or, more accurately, I wished I could get Bechdel to draw *for* me. I resonated with so many parts of this book that at times I had to put it down. Two or three times I even cried because of the uncanny parallels that I found between her story and my own. I found it very interesting (riveting, even) to learn about her experience in therapy with two different therapists, too. There was something about her sharing these nuggets of these most private - and often pivotal - experiences that really touched me. For one, I could relate with her from the client's role. It's sometimes utterly impossible to answer the question, "What are you feeling?", for example. And also, as an analyst-in-training myself, I was touched by the honesty and realism of her depicting her important therapy sessions. It was one of those books I wished would never end - and toward the end of it she mentions that it's a book that can't end, because her relationship with her mother continues on. But the way she did end it was both surprising and deeply moving. As someone who has a mother, someone who is in analysis, and someone who is training to become a psychoanalyst, I was touched by the ending in every way possible. THANK YOU!!!

Mr Baird's is the review I wish I could have written. I eagerly anticipated Bechdel's newest book, but was a bit overwhelmed by the sadness, the depth and the obscure vocabulary. Reading it was confusing, I felt as though I needed a graduate school professor nearby to explain some concepts to me and very often wished I too could give her a hug, cry with her or make her laugh over some silly joke. Regardless, I still love Bechdel's art, her drawing style, all the excellent details and her thoroughness in capturing facial expressions. That I am not literary enough or educated enough to review the aspects of the book where she speaks about the writings of Woolf, Miller and Winnicot should not scare other Amazon buyers off. This book is heavy with meaning, dream/personal analysis and self-introspection and I will read it again and again until I can understand it better. It's like reading Beowulf when you're only used to reading Cosmo magazine. Like reading Feministing.com when you're used to reading TMZ.com. Sometimes skimming news headlines, reading dumbed-down news articles on Yahoo or watching too much reality TV makes the brain soft. Bechdel, on the contrary, is a mental & emotional challenge. Look over any of her DTWOF comics and you'll see some of that introspection & political depth there as well; she's only exposing more of it in her latest book. I admire her courage in examining and publishing yet another book about her life. May she continue to publish more, may she feel purged like Woolf and may she find happiness and healing.

First off "Are You My Mother" is nothing at all like "Fun Home." So if you've come looking for that same type of feeling when reading, just go and reread "Fun Home." If on the other hand, you're looking for a book that will make you think and rethink and give you some insight into Bechdel's life, then pick this one up. And then read it and then reread it again to let things sink in. And then reread it a few more times to see what you missed. Unlike "Fun Home," which focused primarily on Bechdel's relationship with her father, "Are You My Mother" is focused primarily on Bechdel's examination of herself. Yes, her relationship with her mother plays a crucial role in the book, but more than anything it's a starting point for Bechdel to examine her life, the decisions she's made and how she got there. In many ways this book is an examination of self, of the inner psyche and how it functions. Bechdel takes us on a nonlinear journey of her life, how her mother has impacted decisions she made and impacted how Bechdel feels about herself--seemingly overwhelmed with the world around her, and it's also Alison's search for those that she wanted as a mother (hence the title), those that would provide her with the love and the encouragement that she so desperately wanted and needed. Bechdel depends heavily on psychology in this book, sometimes a bit too heavily, to analyze her dreams, her relationships, and the paths that she's taken in life. At times it almost feels like we need a psychology textbook next to us to understand some of the terms and definitions she tosses us and at other times it feels like we are reading a textbook and sometimes overwhelming in cases. It's the one reason why I marked the book down to four stars is that I often felt like I was getting lost in a psychology class that I didn't sign up to take. And yet...the psychological elements in the book provide insight into how Alison sees herself, which is what book is really about. It's her journey, perhaps even a healing process, to help her understand herself and the world that she lives in. In many ways the book reminds me of "Stitches," another artists attempt to use a book for healing. Bechdel's artwork is still powerful and beautiful. Continuing to use the pen and ink and blue gray inkwashes she used so effectively in "Fun Home," Alison adds a new twist with using red ink washes to give in greater depths to the images that she draws. Her characters come to life, often seemingly to move of their own free will and in the scenes when Alison plunges into deep waters it feels like we're there with her. And I've always loved how she has the ability to capture facial expressions, especially with the young children in the books. You can feel the joy, the confusion, and the sadness coming off of the pages. This is probably one of the most complicated books I've read in a long time. It's one that I had to stop every so often and go back and reread pages to see what I missed. And it's going to be a book that's going to be difficult to recommend because the psychological analysis is going to make people uneasy as we plunge into Alison's mind to see how she sees the world. And yet I'll recommend it anyway and it's one that has a permanent spot on my shelf.

Alison bechdels work is wonderful. She's a literal genius. I recommend fun house first, I did it all in reverse order, but they are stand alone too. Very rich, entertaining, moving and thoughtful works, with laugh out loud moments

Great book!

Fascinante mezcla de literatura y psicoanálisis. Excelente novela gráfica. Tan buena como la primera parte, solo un poco más compleja.

Libro meraviglioso. L'inglese usato è complesso e il testo è molto ampio, per cui se non avete voglia di tradurre un po' cercate l'edizione in italiano. Come ho già detto, il libro in sè è meraviglioso, ed è meravigliosa l'integrazione tra disegno e testi - che sono scritti spesso a mano, cosa per cui varrebbe davvero la pena avere la versione originale in inglese. Buona letttura.

Una novela gráfica muy entretenida sobre la relación de la autora con su madre y con sus novias, al mismo tiempo analiza sus emociones y sentimientos.