The Confidence Game: Why We Fall for It . . . Every Time

The Confidence Game reads like a detective novel of the human character. Maria Konnikova weaves a masterful tale of intrigue into the various ways how some have been extraordinarily successful at deceiving their fellow human beings at a large scale and how many are quite successful on a small scale pretty much anywhere you go - through their story. I like to say that I am "addicted" to facts and have very rarely been conned. Konnikova suggests that the successful con artist rarely if ever lets her/his mark get to the point where the mark finds out. She builds her case slowly and deliberately. In fact, I found it reading like walking an ever widening spiral - the reader gets back to a similar point as before (which to some might make it seem repetitive), except that Konnikova then introduces another aspect to the case in question. The most fascinating part of reading The Confidence Game for me was that the writing style and the way that the material was presented loosened up my rigid emotional mindset towards my family which mindset had prevented me from viewing my relatives for what they (mostly) really are - a bunch of con artists with very convincing stories. This is the result of one specific comment that Konnikova makes in a passage where she discusses the psychological aspects of the confidence game. There are more of these precious insights that add special value to the book and that extend its reach beyond merely a discussion of the con game itself. To explain what I mean by the personal discovery mentioned above, my fact based defense mechanism against con artists didn't prevent me from being conned by people whom I falsely believed I could trust - my own family (mother, brother etc) who constantly reassured me that they love me, care about me and stand by me in times of trouble. That they actually did very little yet professed profusely how much they cared instead had always been obvious to me, yet their abundance of words always seemed to make up for the lack of action. The Confidence Game allowed me to see, for the first time ever, and not until almost the end of the book (that's how deliberate the con artist's game is, one really needs to know the whole truth), how my family was able to pull the wool over my eyes since birth basically. Indoctrination of others for some people can apparently not start too early. In other words, I thought I had protected myself against con artists by insisting on facts, but where I refused to insist on facts was with people I mistakenly believed I could trust because of a natural bond. I read only non-fiction material, academic and non-academic. I don't recall ever having read non-fiction without footnotes. In that sense, Konnikova has pulled off a commendable job. I found it very liberating not to be bombarded with reference material. The few cases that I looked up for further information were valid and supportive. Also, I didn't feel that I had to question her perspective. In fact, I feel encouraged to apply what I have learned from The Confidence Game to any past, present and future situation in my life and to reconsider everything and anything as the need arises without necessarily blaming anyone, least of all myself. Stories can be short and long. Konnikova shows that anybody with bad intentions is capable of coming up with a story and how important it is to ignore them. That is not to say that facts cannot be deceiving, yet anyone presenting them might have a good story to tell why you should believe their facts over other facts. The Confidence Game easily gets my five stars yet deserves many more for the impact it has had on my perspective on human behavior.

Konnikov, aside from having the PERFECT name to tackle this topic, is a talented writer. She is conversational without being too present (in that creepy, uncle-at-your-bedroom-window kind of way) and knowledgeable about the history of cons and cognitive science behind how they work and why we fall for them. She tackles the fascinating subject with the perfect blend of engaging writing, rigorous research and guilty appreciation for con men (and they are almost all men, apparently) and their devious trade. She uses plenty of historic examples of memorable and lucrative cons, as well as some painfully recent examples (Madoff, for example), strategically stretching them out across chapters to make this a borderline page-turner, as I always wanted to find out how badly the marks would be taken and if the cons ever got their comeuppance. I also appreciated the thought that went into the overall structure (the sure sign of a writer who understand the psychology of storytelling), organizing the chapters around the components of a big con — the put-up, the rope, the send, etc. — which is a great way to seed the lingo and reinforce just how complicated a con is and just how much they rely on instinctive (or learned) understanding of deep psychological concepts. Cons can only work because we humans are, mostly, wired to trust. “We are so bad at spotting deception because it’s better for us to more trusting. Trust, and not adeptness at spotting deception is the most beneficial path.” For such social, collaborative creatures, trust is vitally important to work together. And cons take advantage of that. Cons, it seems, are wired a little differently than most, often scoring high on the “dark triad” of personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy. That leaves them self-interested and joyously amoral. Luckily, evolution has seen to it that those who possess those and other maladaptive traits ever only exist in relatively small numbers, or else risk dragging the whole species down into oblivion. “Calculated nonchalance [regarding moral imperatives] is only an adaptive strategy when it’s a minority one.” Otherwise, we’d all be so busy fleecing each other and exacting revenge, the human race might just flicker out. So, along with exploitable trust, add in greed, an overwhelming desire to feel special and a few other psychological traits like “egocentric anchoring” (“We assume that other know what we know, believe what we believe, and like what we like.”) and “the mere exposure effect” (familiarity breeds affection), and the stage is set for being suckered. The part that resonated the most with me is how victims of cons often fall for a scam because of a shared predilection of all humans — our love of stories. Our brains are wired to receive information in story form, and cons are really just an elaborate, and expensive, form of story-telling that puts the victim in the center of a new and interesting universe where it makes perfect sense that they can get money for nothing or that they are of the blood line of an ancient religious order and must liquidate their resources to go on the run. It’s exciting! People want to feel special, and stories about them are the best ways to make that happen, lowering defenses and loosening purse strings in the process. And we especially love a good story that resonates with our core beliefs. “Why form accurate judgments when the inaccurate one make our life far more pleasant and easy?” Easy because we don’t have to challenge our long held assumptions (such as the fact that we really are special). The comforting story soothes away the cognitive dissonance because, “when a fact is plausible, we still need to test it. When a story is plausible, we often assume it’s true.” And cons often invoke “information priming” which exploits “the ease that comes from familiarity. Mention something in passing, and when you elaborate on it later – especially if it’s a few days later – it seems that much more convincing. It’s a phenomenon known as the illusion of truth: we are more likely to think something is true if it feels familiar.” And that goes double if that something has emotional appeal. “Our emotional reactions are often our first. They are made naturally and instinctively, before we perform any sort of evidence-based evaluation.” In other words, “Con men … are likewise expert at rapidly involving greed, pity and other emotions that can eclipse deliberation and produce an override of normal behavioral restraints.” Equal parts journalism and psychology, the end result is a riveting look at what it takes to convince people to, against all their better instincts, act against their own self-interest.

Where does money actually go & how come. Design, for the consumer or... shopoholic?

We’re treated to examples of and the rationale behind real life “cons” in such chapters titled The Put-Up, The Play and The Rope. There is also a chapter at the book’s end highlighting the (real) oldest profession. Hint: It’s not prostitution. The common denominator in all these cons is the incredible gullibility of the “mark” or the person who is conned. But what about the con man (it’s almost always a man) who commits these white collar crimes? The true con man doesn’t force us to do anything; he makes us an accomplice in our undoing. For me, the first chapter was most illuminating. The author presents the findings of psychologist Robert Hare who has done considerable work analyzing personal characteristics of con men. These features can be grouped in three categories: psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism. Under the first, the con man exhibits no remorse for his actions, shows pathological lying, is manipulative, is promiscuous, and displays superficial charm. Under narcissism, he has an exalted sense of entitlement, self-enhancement and an overly inflated sense of self-worth. He’s the center of the universe. Finally, Richard Calhoon, a marketing professor at the University of North Carolina, goes further and describes the Machiavellian as someone who employs aggressive, manipulative, exploiting, and devious moves to achieve personal and organizational objectives. It’s no stretch that all the above traits can be ascribed to the man who recently settled a lawsuit for twenty-five million dollars rather than risk impeachment and removal from office.

Grifter and the Mark, the Put Up, The Play, The Rope, The Tale, The Convincer, The Breakdown, The Send and The Touch, The Blow Off and The Fix, the real oldest profession chapters introduce the language of the con and how the Grifter sets the stage for a theatrical performance by choosing the most vulnerable situation to hit a Mark: when lonely, angry, in transition, unsure, loss of relationship job status, in debt, in doubt. Grifter then offers the solution: optimism, trust and hope are signals the Mark is ripe. Fascinating glossary of terms about professional extrovert charismatics: Bernie Madoff financial advisor, Jim and Tammy Bakker evangelists, Lance Armstrong athlete. Unlike the genuinely competent, the charismatic self promoter is psychologically astute, choosing carefully the situation when someone is most vulnerable. Instead of the Culture of Character Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking Susan Cain Invisibles: The Power of Anonymous Work in an Age of Relentless Self-Promotion David Zweig Marks are scammed by the Culture of Personality Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life Sissela Bok Catch Me If You Can: The True Story of a Real Fake former professional impostor, Frank W. Abagnale is a consultant on the subjects of forgery and secure documents, lectures at the FBI’s Financial Crimes Unit and is a secure-document expert for the Standard Register Company. Grifters tell us what we WANT to believe, there is a solution, a way out, problems can be easily quickly solved with just $20, then $40, then $27,000 and no stress or effort for us. Fact checking belief (emotions) is distinct from fact checking data (evidence). The lies we tell ourselves hurt ourselves first, as well as others: it's not my fault, blame someone else "them", there is a quick painless solution. Mistakes Were Made (but Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts Carol Tavris Konnikova's take on self deception and lies Galaxy Quest Tim Allen Sigourney Weaver Alan Rickman comedy is 5*

I'm reading and loving this book. I'll expand my review when I'm completely done in a couple days but just have to say: get it. Read it. Learn about yourself; if you dare. (I gave it four stars rather than five to protect myself!) I was shocked how well she documents that it is we the conned that want the con to be real. The Grifter doesn't even have to always be that skilled. I went back and saw ways I got conned in matters of the heart while dating; in buying things; in following certain leaders in church. Stunned to learned that 1% of the population is psychopathological in the way their brains are wired, some folks just can't feel or give meaning to your pain or the pain of others. And some are not even bad people. She says it's when folks who lack this "proper" wiring aim to use it for financial gain or to win and break hearts? Awful. I fell in love with a Man Eater once. Looking back I see how it was my fault in setting up my own fall. I want things to look like they would work. The bad rests on me now. She's still a Man Eater. But the wounds I earned with my stupidity. I went on to find success with love but I've some scars for sure due to female cons running scams unwittingly online with dating sights. She shows we can be wise without being cynical. I like that.

A great dive into the mind of both the con artist and the victim. Provided both research and story telling to drive the narrative.

An interesting read on con artists, their profiles, and the profiles of their victims. The book is well-researched and has a lot of examples. The author also gives examples of what we may not even think of as cons or scams but actually have trademarks (I.e., religious cults). There's a lot of good information relating to how we are most vulnerable and some amazing examples of how people get roped in and don't even realize they've been conned, continuing to uphold their decision to trust in the con artist even when they should be able to see that it's a scam. The book provides some guidance as well on how to avoid being conned. It really made me think about some situations in a different way because it's not always easy to know when someone is scamming us and just realizing that helps avoid falling for the trap, or at least shows you how to extricate yourself once you may have been seduced by the confidence artist. The psychology of believing we are immune (yet readily seeing the con involving others) shows the con from different perspectives and shows how the most unbelievable ruses can work; also it is very understandable how many of these people have roped in multitudes of victims or keep victims hanging on and continuing to support the criminal because of the shame of admitting to being taken. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Easy to read and it held my interest throughout.

Entrega rápida pero el libro es como leer una enciclopedia.

This is a book about cons, here is a rundown of each chapter's contents along with what I think are the most important parts. CHAPTER 1: THE GRIFTER AND THE MARK ====================================== This chapter introduces the grifter( conner) and mark(victim), are some people born grifters, it is nature or/and nurture that creates them? Contrary to what you might think there is no such thing as a typical mark, different people fall for different scams and emotional turmoil can make people more susceptible to scams in general. CHAPTER 2: THE PUT-UP ====================== This chapter covers how the grifter finds the mark and discovers their weaknesses. Familiarity and trust are used to seduce the mark. Fake fortune tellers are used to illustrate these points. CHAPTER 3: THE PLAY ====================== This chapter is how powerful emotions can override people's logic and reason, when delivered through a compelling narrative it makes for potent stuff. Different emotions effect people in different ways effecting how they can be duped. CHAPTER 4 :THE ROPE ===================== The rope is the persuasion used by the grifter, some examples are claiming to be an authority figure(because people respect and obey authority figures), asking for a small amount then once the mark says yes asking for a large amount ( works better than just asking for a large amount because giving a small amount puts the person in a giving mood), or the opposite asking for a huge amount that is rejected then asking for a smaller amount ( works better than just asking for the smaller amount because the mark feels guilty for turning down the large amount). The that's-not-all where the grifter keeps bolting claim on to claim making the purchase sound better and better, this approach gets better sales than just hearing the offer right away. Or the grifter can just try overwhelming the mark with too much information rendering them unable to make sensible decisions. CHAPTER FIVE: 5 THE TALE ======================= The average person thinks their above average and can spot a scam, other people might fall for those kind of things but not them, this is their lucky break, they deserve this great opportunity because they are special. Unfortunately this kind of thinking makes people easier to scam, and most tragically of all when the scam is over the "I am too clever to fall for scams" belief makes it harder for people to admit to themselves they have been scammed. CHAPTER SIX: 6 THE CONVINCER ========================== People have a unrealistic bias towards a happy future so if things are going well now they believe it will continue in the future, the Ponzi scheme is a classic example of a scam that works well until it eventually fails, "well it appears to be working" would be valid justification only in the short term. Also people don't want to jump ship on something doing well, the thought of losing out on something they could have had is not nice. CHAPTER SEVEN: 7 THE BREAKDOWN =================================== When the mark starts losing out, they have a dilemma, do they drop out or keep going? The mark can often double down thinking they can endure the current problems actually deepening their commitment, having to admit they are been scammed can be painful and conflict with their current beliefs (cognitive dissonance). CHAPTER 8: THE SEND AND THE TOUCH ===================================== The send is where the mark is recommitted, that is asked to invest increasing greater time and resources into the con artist's scheme and in the touch, the con finally comes to fruition and the mark is completely irrevocably fleeced. The sunk cost fallacy means that people stick with things because they have already invested in it and do not want to lose what has been invested already. Once we have invested heavily it comes hard to be objective and warning signs are ignored. The things we have gain the "endowment effect" becoming all the better just because we own it. CHAPTER 9: THE BLOW-OFF AND THE FIX ====================================== The blow off is how the con ends and the fix is dealing with the angry mark, The mark may not realise they been duped so then no fix is needed and even if the mark does realise they have been had they might decided to do nothing for fear of social embarrassment of having been conned. CHAPTER 10: THE (REAL) OLDEST PROFESSION =========================================== This chapter focus on religious cons, specifically cults as the ultimate example of the con. "Nobody joins a cult, Sullivan repeated often and emphatically. People join something that will give them meaning. “They join a group that’s going to promote peace and freedom throughout the world or that’s going to save animals, or they’re going to help orphans or something. But nobody joins a cult.” Nobody embraces false beliefs: we embrace something we think is as true as it gets. Nobody sets out to be conned: we set out to become, in some way, better than we were before. Con artists, at their best and worst, give us meaning. We fall for them because it would make our lives better if the reality they proposed were indeed true. They give us a sense of purpose, of value, of direction. That, in the end, is the true power of belief. It gives us hope. If we are endlessly skeptical, endlessly miserly with our trust, endlessly unwilling to accept the possibilities of the world, we despair. To live a good life we must, almost by definition, be open to belief, of one form or another. And that is why the confidence game is both the oldest there is and the last one that will still be standing when all other professions have faded away. Ultimately, what a confidence artist sells is hope. Hope that you’ll be happier, healthier, richer, loved, accepted, better looking, younger, smarter, a deeper, more fulfilled human being— hope that the you that will emerge on the other side will be somehow superior to the you that came in." CONCLUSION ================ This book is a very interesting read not just for the information about cons but about the nature of belief. I could nit pick some parts and religious people may find the book offensive but I thoroughly recommend it.

I suppose if you're not very smart to begin with, being talked down like this by someone who has all the credentials to be "in the know" is a small annoyance compared to the wisdom being graciously imparted. But I found the 20 or 30 pages I managed to wade through - here and there in the text - uninteresting and unenlightening. I had read in the NYT about it - the author just happens to be on their staff - and was intrigued by the story of a smart young woman who met a smart young man with whom she felt she had everything in common but gradually smelled a rat, all of his stories of professional and social success were without backing, and when she scraped the surface his job and degrees turned out not to exist. Since he didn't take her money or get any material benefit out of the hoax I wanted to know just what it was he wanted, but the book told me no more than the review. I am interested in the idea of conning someone to get love and affection, which exists too, but this book left me, like the girl, in the lurch - conned, in fact.

It is really a remarkable work on the psychology of the con: a necessary read for anyone who doesn't want to end up a sucker in one of these games, but also very instructive read all around. And all the well researched stories of conmen make it even more entertaining!

所謂詐欺師、取り込み詐欺、そしてカルトまで、信じ騙されるプロセスを心理学的に分析する。 オレオレ詐欺は、この分析から考えても良く考えられているものだ。 信じる事が、人間の社会生活には重要な要素で、人類が此処まで発達した基本的な資質の一つであるが、それを悪用する人々が居るのも人類だ。 学校などでも、社会生活への準備として、このような内容を簡単に纏めた授業をしても良いだろうと思う。