If He Had Been with Me

Okay, first of all, this is a gorgeous collector's edition. I love the built-in bookmark and the fact that the book itself is a hardcover rather than a paperback, so it didn't get too beat up in my possession. I loved reading Autumn's story, even though for the majority of the book I found her insufferable. I think that as the book started to wrap up I began to realize that her personality was just part of the character the author was going for.

I’ll be honest—this book started a little slow for me, and I worried it might not live up to the hype. But a few chapters in, I was completely drawn into the story. By the middle, I’d grown so attached to the characters that I knew heartbreak was inevitable. What a wonderful, emotional journey—thank you for such a powerful story.

"Like all things that have become history, I now feel as if I always knew it, as if all through this story, it had been lurking in the shadows. The story underneath the story." This F'ing book!! It gave me a bad bout of depression laced with a hint of bipolar disorder then hope and ultimately sadness and curiosity...damn unresolved ending...Is she or isn't she??? I moped around the house while reading this book from the very first page and it wasn't until about 90(ish)% done that I started to feel anything other than despair and frustration. The beginning of the book starts off letting us know that a horrible thing will occur. So yeah, we were warned but waiting for it to come to pass was agonizingly slow (and slightly annoying) mainly because I wanted to smack Autumn (the quirky/beautiful MC) throughout the entire book. How blind can someone be to the fact that all your hopes and dreams are not only possible but completely within your grasp if you just get out of your own head and OPEN YOUR EYES??? "Finny, my Finny, kissed me. It was horrible. It was strange and wonderful. It felt like I was watching a meteor shower and did not know if it meant the stars were falling and the sky was breaking apart." The two main characters (Autumn and Finny) are EXTREMELY well formed. They are 3 dimensional, robust and without a doubt savory. Their relationship is exquisitely complex and undeniably beautiful. I manically kept watch on the page count. I wished desperately that I could freeze the moment and live within it a bit longer while simultaneously devouring each page because I just HAD to know what happened next....I read in bed. I read in front of the TV. I read in the bathroom and in the car BUT when I got to the end I cursed this freaking book because it was an unsatisfying (semi) Cliffy :-( Damn book! This heartbreaking, Coming of Age story deftly highlights how subjective our life experiences are. The writing is emotive, the characters and world building are excellently crafted and the sentiment is poignant and tragically beautiful. I think we all can relate to the cast of teens (and the Mothers as well) as they face the horrible truths of Adulthood. There are a host of Coming of Age realizations and each one made me feel like I was welcoming home an old, friendly pain that had slowly become inconspicuous by blending into the background din of Adulthood. Sound dramatic and fatalistic?? It does and this book has enormous amounts of both but the underlying sweet innocence of it all is heartrending and definitely on the sweeter side of bitter-sweet. I picked this book because I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel something profoundly and this book delivered. My heart is still aching.

*Spoilers* Firstly I can’t remember who raved about this book and recommended it to me but I’d like to give them a piece of my mind. There were so many frustrating things about the sentences and how poorly this book was structured. It’s the worst one by far with this issue. I’ve read to many books to count. The author was all over the place. And no I’m not talking about the time skipping of months going by (I like books like that), which were pretty confusing as one sentence would be early spring and the next paragraph it would be fall. With no spacing or marking to show passing of time like most authors would do. There were very few dates used (more toward the end of the book). Mainly holidays used as markers. The author would go back and forth from present to future to past without any information to what is what. I couldn’t tell what were the main characters thoughts and what were actually memories of her and finny. The actual story I liked though. A few things I think the story could have absolutely done without but that is just personal preference. The whole teenage baby mama situation.. why? It provided nothing. The mention at the end of the book of finny holding the baby? That’s all that side story was meant for. Could have just done without it. I love tragic stories and endings. Of ppl who are meant to be. Who know they love each other, but who don’t communicate and ruin their own chances of happiness. It’s real life and it’s raw. It’s why the show normal people is my favorite. Which this book reminded me a bit of. All the miscommunication the let’s be friends to not being friends to being lovers. It could have been a great story like that one. Until the author said she was pregnant after being hospitalized, after trying to unalive herself after finny died. Why the pregnancy. Why couldn’t she have just died, or better yet lived and turned into the writer she was meant to be. To move on with time and become that writer in that coffee shop. Why must women have to become mothers to somehow have the will to live again? As the story ends with exactly that. She magically now has the will to live now that she has to live to raise a child *eye roll*. Instead of it being tragic or her becoming what she’s meant to be. It ruined the whole story for me. I’m tired of stories ending in pregnancies and being used to make a character have something to live for. The character should have died like finny. It would have been the tragic love story I thought this book was supposed to be. Needless to say I won’t be reading the finny’s perspective book that’s coming out. One last thing I will note, the main character is 100% undiagnosed autistic, it made it worth reading the rest of the book.

Einfach nur traurig.

O livro é lindo e perfeito! Chegou antes do prazo. Ele é revestido em tecido, as impressões de arte são espetaculares, a pintura trilateral com a frase é de uma beleza sem igual. Eu amo tanto a história desse livro.

The miscommunication in this book was something else. I hated it and I loved it! The real eye opening part was how we all have our own version of events and we never really see the same things. I loved everything about this book except Jamie. Hated his guts and I’m so so glad he never ended up with autumn. Hated Sasha to how could she do that her best friend. I loved autumn and finny and my poor heart was broken by the end of this book. I wanted her to be with him and when it was happening I was cheering from the rooftops. The last page of this book tho had me screaming. How could it end just like that! I immediately brought both books in paper back and I can’t wait to read book 2. This book was everything I never knew I needed to read. I hope future readers feel the same too

Todo perfecto

REVIEW IN ENGLISH AND FRENCH 🇬🇧 English review : This book completely destroyed me! The ending takes your heart with such surprise, for 400 pages you become attached to Autumn and Finny as if you've known them forever. We see their relationship evolve over the years, the highs and the lows. An unspoken love story that will break you to the very last word. Tip: read with a sad playlist for more emotion! Definitely one of my favourite books!This book completely destroyed me! The ending takes your heart with such surprise, for 400 pages you become attached to Autumn and Finny as if you've known them forever. We see their relationship evolve over the years, the highs and the lows. An unspoken love story that will break you to the very last word. Tip: read with a sad playlist for more emotion! Definitely one of my favourite books! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ STARS 🇫🇷 French review : Ce livre m'a complètement détruite ! La fin vous prends le coeur avec tellement de surprise, pendant 400 pages on s'attache à Autumn et à Finny comme si on les connaissaient depuis toujours. On voit leur relation évoluer au fil des années, les hauts comme les bas. Une histoire d'amour non dite jusqu'au dernières pages qui vous briseront jusqu'au dernier mot. Conseil : à lire avec une playlist triste pour plus d'émotions ! Définitivement un de mes livres préférés ! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ÉTOILES