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Shark women, mutant cats, and strange sexually transmitted diseases. Over the past few decades, sexually transmitted diseases have evolved in unusual ways. Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea; these are all STDs of the past. These days, sexually transmitted diseases are more extreme and bizarre. Not exactly diseases anymore, they are more like sexually transmitted body modifications. There's an STD that changes your hair color, an STD that causes your toes to grow larger, one causes you to grow extra breasts on your body, another causes your skin to grow long metal spikes, and there's an especially annoying STD that causes you to ejaculate miniature eyeballs. Tonight is Share Your STD Night at the Demon Seed Swingers Club. Although most members of society fear the idea of contracting these diseases, there are some underground deviants who embrace them. They believe the diseases make them strange, unique, and beautiful. So they come together once a month to trade their wonderful STDs with each other in a surreal, fantastical orgy. However, tonight will not be like other nights. There's a new disease spreading through the sex club, a disease that causes people to become rabid bloodthirsty killing machines. As the infected rampage through the Demon Seed, the survivors realize there's only one thing they can do to survive the night: turn their grotesque STDs into deadly super weapons. Also featuring the short stories: Candy-Coated - A buff dude with a lollipop for a head has a hard time picking up the laydaaays due to all of the bearded truckers who keep trying to lick his head. Ear Cat - A Kitty of the Month Club selection gone horribly wrong. City Hobgoblins - A member of a punk rock band falls in love with a shark-like creature. (a prequel to the cult novel Satan Burger ) Porno in August - A group of porn actors find themselves floating in the middle of the ocean, unable to remember who they are or why they are there. (Chosen for The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror ) Review: Short shorts - I love Carlton Mellick III. He has yet to disappoint me, and if you enjoy Bizarro with any of the same morbid fascination that I do, you have yet to be disappointed too. Of course, if you don't know CM3, then you are missing out. You need to remedy this now. Now. And "Fantastic Orgy" is as good a place to start as any. A short collection of short stories, this is an excellent introduction to the twisted mindscape of CM3. I'll be honest - all of the stories are standouts, and each are reflective of a different side of his writing style. "Porno in August" is probably my favorite, as it is a David Lynch-ian mindbender. "Candy Coated" is plain funny. "Ear Cat" is strange and very satisfying. "City Hobgoblins" made me want to read "Satan Burger" and is an excellent primer on shark sex. The titular story, "Fantastic Orgy" is full of sex and violence. Two of my favorite things. So, pull up a chair. Set yourself on fire. Dine on the tears of orphans. And enjoy. Review: Hey Laydaaays! - Like the chick on the cover, I too have crazy hair that objects get all tangled up in. Her hair is more awesome, because it's a STM and actually tentacles! * If STD's did modify one's body in weird and sometimes super-hero ways, people would totally have unprotected, fantastic orgies all the time. * Did you know that mutated Ear, Muscle, and Gentlemen cats from a Kitty of the Month club are excellent therapy? They'll help cure your hoarding urges and agoraphobia! * It's been about 12 years since I had a wine and cheese pairing class. So, I'm not entirely sure a Stilton would go with a Tropical Sensation lollipop head. * Shark sex, punk bands, set in the world of SATAN BURGER?! AHHHHHHHHH! Best Story EVER! * I'm not sure why there are amnesiac porn stars floating around the ocean. You probably don't either. Hmph.
| Best Sellers Rank | #11,129,160 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books ) #9,350 in Humorous Science Fiction (Books) #9,633 in Humorous Fiction #36,675 in Horror Literature & Fiction |
| Customer Reviews | 4.3 out of 5 stars 152 Reviews |
E**N
Short shorts
I love Carlton Mellick III. He has yet to disappoint me, and if you enjoy Bizarro with any of the same morbid fascination that I do, you have yet to be disappointed too. Of course, if you don't know CM3, then you are missing out. You need to remedy this now. Now. And "Fantastic Orgy" is as good a place to start as any. A short collection of short stories, this is an excellent introduction to the twisted mindscape of CM3. I'll be honest - all of the stories are standouts, and each are reflective of a different side of his writing style. "Porno in August" is probably my favorite, as it is a David Lynch-ian mindbender. "Candy Coated" is plain funny. "Ear Cat" is strange and very satisfying. "City Hobgoblins" made me want to read "Satan Burger" and is an excellent primer on shark sex. The titular story, "Fantastic Orgy" is full of sex and violence. Two of my favorite things. So, pull up a chair. Set yourself on fire. Dine on the tears of orphans. And enjoy.
A**E
Hey Laydaaays!
Like the chick on the cover, I too have crazy hair that objects get all tangled up in. Her hair is more awesome, because it's a STM and actually tentacles! * If STD's did modify one's body in weird and sometimes super-hero ways, people would totally have unprotected, fantastic orgies all the time. * Did you know that mutated Ear, Muscle, and Gentlemen cats from a Kitty of the Month club are excellent therapy? They'll help cure your hoarding urges and agoraphobia! * It's been about 12 years since I had a wine and cheese pairing class. So, I'm not entirely sure a Stilton would go with a Tropical Sensation lollipop head. * Shark sex, punk bands, set in the world of SATAN BURGER?! AHHHHHHHHH! Best Story EVER! * I'm not sure why there are amnesiac porn stars floating around the ocean. You probably don't either. Hmph.
I**L
A fearless, WTF-fueled collection that turns the bizarre into an unforgettable ride
This collection delivers five stories that escalate quickly from intriguing to utterly unhingedโin the best way. The longest entry, Fantastic Orgy, wastes no time throwing the reader into a world where STDs have evolved into STMsโsexually transmitted modificationsโand from there, all bets are off. Itโs imaginative, chaotic, and impossible to fully explain without experiencing it firsthand. The remaining four stories each bring their own brand of โwhat did I just read,โ pushing boundaries and embracing the bizarre with confidence. This is a collection that thrives on shock, creativity, and sheer audacity. I absolutely loved it.
V**R
Odd!
Yes, it's an oddie alright. But that's exactly what one should expect from one of bizarro's foremost writers. The genre isn't a big one for me personally, but I do enjoy to dip my toes into it whenever I get bored with the more standard works...
C**E
All you really need to know is: Shark sex.
As the title would suggest, there's a fair amount of sex within this book. As a book of short stories, the stories range and vary in weirdness, but all are entertaining. The first story, Candy-Coated, is about the struggles of an overly buff guy with a lollipop for a head and how difficult it is to get laid with a candy head. Next is Ear Cat, about a shut-in who is sent a cat with ears covering its body instead of fur. It leaks earwax all over the house and constantly listens to everything. Personally, one of the grossest stories in this collection. Fantastic Orgy is about a time when STDs are no longer diseases, but have mutated into different forms of body modifications. Some STDs can change your hair color, some make your breasts/penis larger, and some making even more extreme changes. STDs become a commodity to swap, like trading cards. City Hobgoblins only needs two words: Shark sex. Porno In August I can't even really describe without giving too much away. Just a bunch of porn stars dropped into the middle of the ocean to make their film. Shark sex does appear in this one, too. Overall, the book is brilliantly weird and absurdly funny.
B**K
STD's for Everybody.................
This was a great short story collection by the Bizarro madman himself Carlton Mellick III. This time around we have five short stories each that entertain to no end. My two favorites were Kitty of the Month, and Fantastic Orgy although I really enjoyed the other ones as well. Again Carlton does not disappoint when it comes to creativity and absurdness. If your into Shark sex then this is totally the book for you and if that intrigues you, then get it you will be thoroughly entertained as always in the bizarro way that only Mellick can deliver.
G**1
5 Great Shorts From The Twisted Mind Of The Great CM III
Kind of a few quick reads but a very fun and wild ride through the twisted mind of Carlton Mellick III again like a even crazier mini twilight zone series, with stds, hot shark chicks, candy headed people, funky mutations, and bizarre cats, This book will put a warpped grin on your face and you wont want to put it down. It will even lead you into the book "Satan Burger" with the little prequel story in it. Keep 'Em Comin' CM III.
E**.
wonderfully disturbing
Got this on sale, a group of short stories each unique in their own way. I had a few visceral emotional responses while reading, which is rare for me these days. For that alone the stories are worth perusal and hence, 4 stars.
H**R
Not bad
Not great. Not terrible. Many of his other books are 5 stars in my opinion. This one wasn't. The stories were too short to have any impact like his other work. I thought two of them we're okay. I would borrow rather than buy this one.
N**W
Last pages are missing!
I love these bizarro stories. Ear Cat and Fantastic Orgy are my two favorite stories in this book. If you want to laugh, definitely read this. I ordered this book, new, on Amazon. I almost finished reading the book and realized the last pages of the last story are missing!! And it only has one page of author's notes, which begins in the middle of a sentence. It's obvious there are pages missing. Really disappointed! I don't know how the last story ends. My book stops after page 114
T**T
Whacktastic Bizarro Read!
Carlton Mellick III is a great bizarro author! This book is just as strange, deranged and tantalizing as most of his work. Easy and fun to read. I'd recommend this to anyone looking for something off the beaten path of your typical fiction books. This is the 4th book I've purchased by Mellick and I must say I'm never disappointed
A**H
Great fun to read
These Bizarro books are hilarious. Carlton Mellick III is a genius. If you have not read any you should start now.
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