The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse (The Narcissism Series)

A very informative book that doesn’t read like stereotypical boring instructions. Gives the reader a lot of thought & awareness. It’s one of the best books I’ve read on this topic. It provided me with many personal revelations.

I have to say, I learned A LOT from reading this book. In fact, I reread it and the second time highlighted portions. I was so unaware of all the terms, love bombing, gaslighting, flying monkeys, and covert narcissist before I read the book. Then as I read it, I noticed many similarities with what had happened in my relationship with my now ex husband. I specifically remember the love bombing phase in the very beginning. I saw big red flags, but did not know what it was at the time. And I had convinced myself "I must deserve to be treated like a princess?" Yet, not long after marrying him, many of those traits stopped. Then the others crept in. And it wasn't until I found out he was having an affair, and we were going through five days of divorce court, I began to see a side of him I had never seen. Again, the book explained it all. I am now two years out of that marriage and I still get anxiety thinking about the possibility of even meeting another man and starting over. At least after reading this book, I know what to look out for. I highlighted the portions, second time around, because he had made my daughter (from a previous marriage) one of his flying monkeys, and I wanted her to read the book and see what he was doing. She and I are just now getting our relationship back on track and close to what it once was. These narcissists can really do a number on you!

Very compassionate and clearly written as she addresses narcissistic abuse. Maybe better in a narcissistic spousal relationship but still very good showing patterns and flying monkeys and all the things that narcissist use to manipulate and control the empathetic. Still reading as it takes time to work through all as you are reading. Simple read however and clear writing.

Well, as a guy it might seem strange to hear that I was married to a narcissistic person because most of the time, the narcissism is from a male victimizing a female. Thats just usually what I have learned happens. But, I am guessing that there are tons more covert narcissistic people out there that are female and its not usually recognized. So, this book was an eye opener. I knew for years she (ex) had passive aggressive problems but never understood the disdain, even hatred, towards me and blaming me and projecting onto me traits that no one else could see (except those she influenced, I.E. our kids). Eventually when I caught her in a bunch of lies about another man and the marriage imploded, then I knew that I needed help to figure out if it was me or her. In some sense its always both, but in this case the victimization was clear because I was not the one lying and having secret relationships and then saying there was nothing wrong with that. So, the book has helped me tons in recognizing that you can get through a divorce and then find someone that is healthy, and YOU can be healthy as well. I recommend this book, and CoDependency No More amongst others, but also say GET THERAPY AND COUNSELING from a real therapist. Books will help you only so much, but along with books--getting a good person to talk to (therapist who specializes in narcissism like I did) to get through it is a must. Cant overstate that. Why a "4" star for the book? I say this in part because it comes off at first and even from the cover/title that this is a "professional" book by a therapist and if I was the one writing and publishing it--I would couple this book with a solid therapeutic/clinical authors thoughts too. This book, however its more from a personal perspective from what I can see where Ms. Mirza talks about what she has learned with her own experiences. The fact that she is a "life coach" means she isnt a therapist and she expressly says this in the book and on her FB group as well. The bottom line is if you read this, make sure you follow up your reading with counseling and therapy from someone who actually knows what narcissism is and not someone just floating the catch term/phrase about as an author or "counselor" or whomever. Gaslighting and narcissism are hot topics these days and in some sense the latest and greatest psychological fad as well. Previously it was "co-dependency" and the books written about that have come under fire after more research has been done on if it is even a "real" thing. Take what is written here from her perspective as someone who went through something bad, not once but a few times, and take what you can from it. But this isn't a DSM type of book where you find concrete therapeutic evidences from testing etc. It comes from a personal perspective and her own research, and there's quite a few books like this online. I, myself was a counselor for years stuck in a dysfunctional marriage and family system that I brought upon myself in many ways. The bottom line for me was realizing that when the lying and cheating started, I did nothing to stop it but say "hey, stop doing that" which for my ex wife--she could have cared less. That's narcissism 101, its all about me and I can make whatever excuse for hurting someone else look like I'm the victim, not them. My mistake: not packing my bags like the first therapist told me to when he had told me during counseling "you know, I married a woman just like your wife". When I asked him what he did to resolve the issues this was his answer: "I divorced her". I was too intimidated and shell shocked to do what I needed to do: not only say "no" but follow it up with actions and an appropriate response to being cheated on and lied to for years. I was weak and a coward. Books like this one are to give the reader strength and to get some kind of perspective on how another person has went through what you are going through, but its not a clinical book per se its an empathetic book that says "you are not alone". Be careful getting on social media as well with "support groups". How many of those I joined in response to reading this book to find that they were filled with hateful people and at times predators who were mentally ill. Get help. Real help. Use these stories and others like them to give some comfort to the fact you're not alone in this.

Mirza does a fantastic job of explaining how these people operate. She breaks it down in a way that's easy to understand, even if you don't have a psychology degree. You'll find yourself nodding along, thinking, "That's exactly what happened to me!" But this book isn't just about pointing fingers. It's also about healing. Mirza offers practical advice on how to recover from the emotional damage caused by these toxic relationships. It's like having a supportive friend by your side, helping you piece your life back together. Whether you're questioning your own relationship or already on the road to recovery, this book provides invaluable insights and support. Mirza's compassionate approach makes it feel like you have a trusted friend guiding you through the healing process.

Interesting book, good as introduction

Es un libro que te abre los ojos! Es genial para identificar relaciones personales narcisistas y cómo crear límites. Lo único es que está mayormente enfocado a las relaciones de pareja, pero me parece genial para identificar esas interacciones e tu circulo que no son tan obvias por ser pasivo-agresivas. Me abrió mucho los ojos y me dio pie a orientarme a qué continuar a leer.

Life changing, brilliantly written, very informative.

I learned a lot and was touched by the author’s genuine heart to help those were targeted by CNs. Thank you, Debbie!