How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

This book is a must-read for anyone raising children. It provides clear, actionable strategies for improving communication, reducing power struggles, and building a stronger connection with your kids. The techniques are realistic, easy to implement, and backed by thoughtful examples from real-life parenting situations. I’ve noticed a real difference in how my child responds when I apply these methods—it feels less like “discipline” and more like collaboration. The writing is accessible, encouraging, and full of practical tips you can start using immediately. Overall, it’s a valuable resource for fostering respectful, positive relationships with your children. Good value for money and highly recommended for parents at any stage.

I literally never leave reviews but I HAD to write a review for this book. It is honestly the most helpful, practical, thought provoking book on parenting - if you are considering buying it PLEASE DO! It’s helped me so much and I genuinely believe every parent should read it - especially if you have children who are 8/9/10 years old and have become a little tricky. I will absolutely be getting the teenage one when my children are older.

This is a clear and helpful book on parenting skills and listening to your children. My only problem with this is for Amazon Kindle - this book has comic strip pages to demonstrate role plays - on kindle it is tiny to see even when font enlarged. Later on the flip side, there are pages of assignments for you to 'write' in your own experience or response - obviously not possible on kindle - but these pages dont fit on the kindle properly unless the font is squished down to the smallest size. So the reader has to repeatedly change the font settings to read either the comic strips or the assessments. Couldn't kindle adjust this better? and if not, why cant Amazon tell us that parts of the script are difficult to access in this format? I would prefer to know such information before buying. However this book is worth reading anyway!

Currently about 3/4 of the way through this and think it's excellent. Lots of new techniques to consider, not only for improving dialogue with and understanding of your children, but also for improving your relationship with them and dealing with problem behaviours such as tantrums. I tried out two of the suggested techniques last week on my 6 yr-old and the result was simply stunning - I felt like a case study from the book. The most impressive was when he threw a massively unimpressive and unexpected tantrum over coming to dinner. His 'reason' seemed so daft to me that I no longer even remember what it was. I grew angry with him (not surprising), was about to start shouting, then took a deep breath and though "what would the book recommend?" So I asked him to draw a picture of how annoyed he was and then come to dinner. He said "no!", thought 10 seconds, then grabbed the pencil and paper and drew a stick figure with sharp teeth. "Gosh, fangs!" I said. "That's right!" he answered. Then he added a triangle for the body. "What's with the triangle?" I asked. "That's me crossing my arms like this", he said, then demonstrated with a very exaggerated grumpy face. Then he burst out laughing at his own idiocy and came straight to dinner.

Brilliant book!

An amazing book that you can put to good use. Recommended by other and I'm glad I made the purchase.

Those skills should be a must for everyone. I think it might take a few generations before a general change occurs in our society, which still rely heavily on carrots and sticks. However, I am optimistic that this will be the approach of the future. It does not only apply between children and adults, but between everyone. Some people just have no idea how to properly talk (and listen) to other people, and that's because it is not in our native language. I would like to share what happened to me when I was 15-16, at secondary school, a time when I wish I had those skills and mastered that language. I had just moved to a different country so I was new. A few months after I arrived, some boys started picking on me (verbally and physically). As a girl raised in a fairly traditional way, with an authoritarian dad, all I knew was fight or flight. I also learned to be afraid of men, after being reminded multiple times that women were the "weaker sex". I tried ignoring the boys, only to make them want to shout even louder and push even harder. I also got defensive at times, just telling them to f*** off, only to be told how rude I was by the audience I had. My classmates obviously did not possess any better tools because all the (unsolicited) advice I received was "look away", "ignore them", "tell them to f*** off" and on one occasion "you should have smacked him". I was also told not to get upset or scared or anything. I would like to use this occasion to thank A.Faber & E.Mazlish for writing about how unhelpful, if not harmful, unwanted advice and denying feelings can be. In retrospect, I so wish I had possessed these tools back then. For example, I wish I had told the one boy who probably most pushed my buttons: "It's clear that you have an issue with me". It sounds even better than "What on Earth is the matter with you?", to which he would probably have answered "Nothing". It is definitely far better than freezing, blushing, swearing, etc. which sums up what I usually did. I have also always secretly believed that punishment does not solve anything in the long run, but now I am proud to admit it! Not only for the reasons mentioned in this book, but also because how many times have I seen the wrong person being punished while the culprit got away, a child being punished after false accusations or for something that they were not old enough to know better? As disappointed as I was that my teachers turned a blind eye on the bullying that they witnessed, in a way I'm glad they didn't issue stupid detentions, because I'm convinced that the boys would only have made sure not to get caught by them afterwards. Punishments are just not really effective, neither are warnings (threats) that encourage children to test them. As for empty threats, well I think it goes without saying. Now the mother of an 18-month-old, to who I want to teach those skills, I would recommend this book to absolutely anyone, as well as other books about positive discipline!

I bought this when I started to run into trouble with my 11 year old. Unfortunately it's aimed more at parents of children from 2 - 8 I would say. It's also quite basic parenting which I learnt naturally or at parenting courses I attended when they were a toddler. So it ended up in the second hand shop after reading only the first 2 chapters.

Bought as gift. Recipient very pleased.

Me lo recomendaron en un hospital de referencia de EE.UU., y es realmente bueno. Las recomendaciones son buenísimas, y explicadas de manera amena, dinámica, muy práctica y, muy importante, sin culpabilizar a quienes lo hacíamos regular hasta ahora. Lectura altamente recomendable para padres, profesores, entrenadores.. y en general, para cualquiera con ganas de aprender a entender y hacerse entender por niños y adolescentes!!

Very informative! Opens your eyes and changes the way you talk and engage woth kids

I recommend this book to every parent, even anyone can read....it will definitely enhance communication and emotional skills

Amazing book , highly recommended